Insomnia: understanding why we can't sleep (and what to do)

What exactly is insomnia?

We call it insomnia when sleep becomes repeatedly difficult: trouble falling asleep, waking often or far too early, or the feeling of never truly recovering. A rough night here and there happens to everyone. Insomnia is when those nights settle in and start colouring our days.

It is neither a whim nor a lack of willpower. Sleep is a fragile balance between body, mind and lifestyle rhythm. When one of these pillars wavers, the whole night can tip over.

Why we don't sleep: the main trails

Causes are rarely singular. Stress and worries often take centre stage: the body is in bed, but the mind keeps working. Life changes — grief, a new job, a new baby — also disrupt the rhythm.

Habits matter too: irregular schedules, late-night screens, late-day coffee, or a bedroom that is too bright or too warm. Nothing dramatic on its own, but added together these factors can be enough to weaken sleep onset.

Finally, some life stages (pregnancy, menopause, ageing) naturally transform sleep. Understanding this already helps lift the guilt.

The vicious circle of stress and sleep

Stress-related insomnia has well-known mechanics: a difficult period disturbs the nights, then we begin anticipating the bad night, dreading bedtime. That very apprehension keeps the body on alert — and the vicious circle is in place.

The good news: a vicious circle can become a virtuous one. By bringing gentleness and predictability back around bedtime, we send the body a signal of safety that eases letting go, little by little.

Gentle ways to find sleep again

Start with the foundations: regular bedtimes and wake times, even on weekends. A cool, dark, quiet bedroom. A real transition between day and night — 20 to 30 minutes of a calm ritual (reading, herbal tea, slow breathing) rather than a screen until the last minute.

If sleep takes too long to come, it is better not to lie in bed ruminating: get up for a few minutes, do something very calm in dim light, then return to bed when sleepiness returns. The idea is simple: the bed should stay associated with sleep, not with anxious waiting.

During the day, natural morning light, a bit of movement and attention to caffeine (ideally none after early afternoon) quietly support the following night.

When to ask for help

If difficulties have lasted several weeks, if fatigue takes up too much room in your days, or if simply thinking about bedtime makes you tense, it is a good time to seek support. Sleep education support helps you take stock of your rhythm, your habits and your relationship with sleep — without judgement and at your own pace.

And if certain signs raise questions — loud snoring, observed breathing pauses, heavy daytime sleepiness — talk to your doctor: some sleep disorders call for a medical assessment.